Dear Sir or Madame,
I am writing to you today, I am sorry to say, to inform you of your untimely death, I am sorry to confess. We understand your crippling grief, hoping it will be brief, and our employees offer their sorrow, hoping it will end tomorrow. I would be pleased, so your burden could be eased, to assist with your arrangements, so you may keep prior engagements. Our service is of high esteem, I am happy to beam, and we would charge only a small fee*, I am happy to decree. It would be of benefit to you, as I’m sure you already knew, to take up our kind request, as I’m sure you would attest. I wait your reply eagerly, a simple yes or no merely, and we would take your case from there, just the simple matter of the fare.
Mr I.M. Gredi
*Extra costs may be charged, if it is found your case is hard, we will send you the bill in hand, I hope you understand.